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I remember envying the woman who lived in the room next to me in college. She had food stamps, and more food than I could afford with my tiny paychecks. She had fresh milk, fruit, iceberg lettuce, and hamburger. I ate spaghetti or a can of green beans for dinner, never both.

She might have had food, but did she have health insurance, as I had through my Dad's work? Did she have parents helping her with college tuition? Could she always pay for the books or paper or ink pens? Did she have a place to go when her roommate situation two years later didn't work out and her parents let her come home for a few months to get back on her feet? (I did.)

I didn't know these things then. At the time I assumed that even though her food stamps bought her more food than my paycheck bought me, I was the one coming out slightly ahead. I believed at the time that I somehow had a future that held better promise. Looking back, I hope I didn't. I hope those food stamps are what made it possible for her to go to college, likely without requiring extended family support,that she likely did not have. I don't remember her name. I hope she was the nurse that was able to finally get some blood out of my arm at Dublin Methodist Hospital. She was a nursing student.

Though I have helped people to get jobs for over 20 years, four of those helping people who receive public assistance, I sometimes forget how I used to see welfare benefits. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, two otherwise upbeat, cheerful and charming people without a financial need of their own that I can see chose to comment on "welfare moms". One was referencing a comparison for an animal who isn't properly caring for her newborn. The other,who upon hearing that I help people to get jobs, said, "Helping those women on welfare...that's something I wouldn't be able to do."

"Oh, really," I responded,"It really isn't usually very depressing. You are helping them with something positive, not creating problems. Now, being the case worker who has to be the one to put them into a Catch 22, that would be hard. As a Job Developer, I would usually know of one woman a week, who if she came to class, she couldn't attend her meeting at the homeless shelter, and she would lose her housing. If she didn't come to class, she would get sanctioned, wouldn't get her monthly cash, and would likely have to move, switch her childrens' schools, start over with getting childcare, so that she could get a job. THAT would be depressing. I don't know if I could do that."

Apparently I had missed her point, "I notice those women at the grocery store. They use their food stamps, then they use their own cash to buy things I wouldn't buy." Really? She had gone to Black Friday that day. What isn't she buying? What is it that she envies?

So, when you see that woman at the grocery store paying with food stamps, but buying a new pair of shoes, think about the last vacation you went on, the car repairs you can pay for with the money you have saved in the bank,the toys you can buy for your children, the gas you can put in your car to go to the metro park, the roof over your head. That woman doesn't have more than $300 month to spend.

If she is a working mom who provides childcare for your children so that you can work (yes, that woman is probably on public assistance), aren't you glad that she can have clothing without holes and can take her own kids (if she has them) to the zoo once in awhile, and can put gas in her car so she can get to work to take care of your kids? Aren't you glad that the woman who changes your mother's bed pan at the nursing home (it's very possible she receives public assistance) can buy a spatula if she needs it or can get one video game for her children like you do for yours? What life would you prefer for that woman? What about her life is enviable?

If you want to be upset, be upset that she only makes $9.00/hour. Be upset that these jobs don't pay more. Just because she gets food stamps, doesn't mean she doesn't have a job. And it doesn't mean she has children. If she does, she is taking care of them. Either way, she needs our help.